Mushiness, love, and stuff// Part one

It was never my intention for me to find the boyfriend. Or rather re-find him. My intention was to talk to someone who would listen, and knew me well, and maybe have a couple of drinks to chase away the loneliness. He was the best choice because he already knew my deepest darkest secrets. Let me back up for a moment, and tell you a story…..well at least the first part…..

"the one who will fall in love with her scars" -The Dreamer

Once upon a time, many, many, many….. more years then this gal would like to admit, there was a very sad, sullen, broken to bits girl. Sure, she covered it up with laughter and textbook teenaged super outrageous risk taking behavior. She was good at hiding things, just like the bruises she would hide on her body. She brushed away the little bits and pieces that would crumble when she heard hateful things about herself. She even thought she could camouflage her feelings with smoke in mirrors and redirecting conversations to the other person. Many were close to her, but she held herself apart. She did not risk handing her heart out to anyone, because every time she did, people would tear it apart in their bare hands. She felt like a fractured version of herself until she met a handful of people that were fractured versions of themselves too. Little by little, she took risks. She would share stories, secrets, things that had been rotting away in her. At that time she also met a boy. A boy who she felt like was an answer, but she eventually learned was nothing but pure darkness. A darkness she felt like she would never emerge from. She eventually did, gasping for breath, but she was marred permanently. Despite no good coming of him, goodness did happen during that time. She met a few friends, one who would be her best friend to this day. Another who would eventually be her partner and husband for the beginning years of her adulthood. And another who was at first simply a friend. Once she escaped the angry boy, this friend became more…….

To be continued……


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