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Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 33. I always thought my life would be different at thirty three. I thought I would have it together. I would have a bunch of kids, me and the ex would be married and living in this house fixing it up little by little. Maybe I would be pregnant again. Probably. I’d feel like an adult. I might even be saving for retirement and have a financial portfolio. You know….. adult things.

Instead, today I am headed to court for another meeting on trying to save this house. To save it for my kid, who has had a lot of disruption these past two years. I am terrified I have scarred him for life with the divorce and the trauma and he will never be the same. So, I am fighting. Trying my hardest to keep a house that is full of memories that make me happy and sad at the same time.

I didn’t think this would be my life. That my life would be divorced and estranged from my family. I am a single mama to one amazing kid, working hard to get back into my career and slowly cleaning up the pieces of the mess that was left behind. Slowly paying down bills and past debts and trying so hard to just take things one day at a time, so I don’t get overwhelmed and give up all together.

I never realized how  money is always on your mind when you simply don’t have enough of it. How tirelessly working to bring in lots of avenues of income is exhausting and sometimes you feel defeated. But tomorrow is a new year in my life. I don’t know what it will hold for me. I don’t know where I will be, if this trying to save the house will work. I pray that it does. I am scared, but I guess most people fear the unknown. So one day at a time. And today I am thirty-two and I will never be as young as this ever again.

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10 thoughts on “Tomorrow

  1. Estrangement from family is so tough and it takes away the support system we deserve. I too am dealing with that as well as financial woes. What a combination THAT makes! I think we both just have to do what we can do and hope everything eventually works out. We just can’t give up. My heart is with you sweetness!!

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  2. I wish you luck for tomorrow. I am a bit older than you and I can say that you never really feel like you have it together that feeling of being slightly out of control never goes. My heart goes out to you and your child know that you are doing your best for him and for yourself.whatever happens all will be well in the end. Take care and let us know what happens Dawnie x

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  3. Wow, well said! When I was reading this, I honestly felt your struggles and how hard it must be for you. I know a single mom from work and I can see her life similar to yours, so I think I know how you feel. No one knows for sure what’s in store for us, but I know you’re going to have a much better life because of what you do. I salute all the single moms who work hard to give their children the happy homes they deserve. I know you’re going to make it through all of this and I’ll pray that you do! Happy birthday and happy new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Firstly happy birthday! Secondly you are doing an amazing job and I hope that you save your house but if the world works against you on this, you will still have your memories and no one can take those away from you and your little one. A home is what you make it and make it you will again X

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