I lost a lot of friends when I got divorced. I had some that were supportive, but others mostly married or committed friends, distanced themselves from me. In some situations it was my fault. I was so depressed that I simply was focusing on all my energy on existing, on helping my little family survive and I didn’t return phone calls or reach out to others. Honestly, even when I wanted to, I just simply didn’t have the energy after day to day living.
I was ashamed of being broke. I never before couldn’t go on play dates or outings. In the past, I made sure we had money for those. But now, it wasn’t just the price of the entry fee to whatever event, but factoring in the cost of gas to get there. It was simple, gas + monthly bills= not enough. So I would make an excuse. They eventually stopped asking.
Others who I had considered very close friends suddenly disappeared out of my life. These are the losses that smarted. Sometimes I would misspeak, or there was a misunderstanding. Other times, there was just a lack of support. Others did not support my decisions. The phone gradually stopped ringing.
What bothered me the most was that a lot of my friends had been mommy friends. Married friends with children my son’s age. We would get together. There would be play dates and birthday parties and general fun. My ex would blow off the parties my kid was supposed to attend, or not show up until hours after I had made plans and it caused strain on things. My kid missed his friends. That part was the worst. I had dealt with the loss of my family, my friends, and the imaginary way that my life was supposed to be. My little one could not understand it though. I make excuses about how busy everyone is. He started school and made new friends, and they are lovely wonderful friends, but it isn’t the same as it was.
I have learned to let go a lot. The friendships I had made I thought were my tribe of people. Maybe I was mistaken. Maybe the change was too great. But I need to let go of the sadness surrounding it. I will forge ahead, like I always do. Reach out to new people, make new friends, and be happy. And I will never ever forget those who stood beside me when times got tough. For them, I am grateful to the very bottom of my heart. Without them, I don’t know if I actually would have survived this last year. People often show you who they are when times get tough. They show you their true colors, or that your friendship wasn’t what you imagined it to be. Some stand by you, contact you,, never give up on you even when you have given up on yourself, and for that they have made a life long friend in me.