Divorce · Happiness · Life

Divorce Diaries// Dealing with Worry

For the past few months, I have been very worried. And angry. So, so, so angry. Mostly because it was the middle of winter, and he cancelled my car registration and wasn’t and isn’t paying child support. I didn’t have enough money to get a car on the road…. the list goes on. I was blindingly mad. Now, I know those of you in blog-land don’t know me in real life, but I’m not a generally angry type person. I actually rarely felt angry…. like EVER. So this was a change. For me, it wasn’t a change for the better. I constantly rotated between anger and crippling depression and once you threw sickness on top of it, I was a miserable, moody, emotional mess.

I’ve felt guilty, too. I have two people in this house who adore me with all of their being. The little one, who just adores me for existing, and the boyfriend who is so patient, and kind, and loving. They were not getting the best version of me. Or even the second best version. It had to stop. I just felt like it never would.divorce Diaries

I knew it had to change. I needed to stop just being a ball of anger and worry. Here is what I attempted to do:

  • To not overthink (which is difficult for a person with excessive ruminations). I used thought stopping techniques that I learned in my years of therapy. Sometimes they work, sometimes no. But if I had to obsess, I would focus on the one thing that was coming up next and plan for it rather than let my worries run wild.
  • I took things one at a time. Or tried to. I focus on one thing I could change or make a difference about. There were lots of things that I couldn’t deal with presently. I couldn’t get to certain places I needed to because of the no car thing. While it wasn’t ideal or the highest paying, I took jobs at schools where I know I could get rides to and from. I saved up money. I registered my car. Honestly, that probably helped the most. I was able to get out of the house. I felt less trapped.
  • I used the support system I DO have. lost a lot of relationships with the divorce, including my immediate and extended family. I am so lucky to have a few friends who went above and beyond with helping me get to places I needed to go. AND provide emotional support.
  • I made a game plan. I love a good list. So I wrote everything out. A whole brain dump of all the things that I needed to do and prioritized what would need to be done first.
  • Once I was able to take action, I didn’t delay. I acted on my game plan immediately, instead of procrastinating like I normally do. It helped to know that I was checking things off, even if they were gradual. And when I checked a big thing off, it felt great!
  • I focused on what I DO have. Even in a time like this, where I felt out of control and lost, I found returning to gratitude and focusing on the little things helped ground me. I simply had to look around at the people in my life and know that when times are tough, there are people that love me and that I love.

These are just a few of the steps I took. And trust me, I faltered quite a bit. I’m still figuring out this whole new life, and sometimes it seems daunting. But if I look back at where I was when I started this I can see that I am on a path of growth and change. What is something that you do that is helpful when you deal with worries?  I’d love to hear some tips!

xo, Justine

 

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24 thoughts on “Divorce Diaries// Dealing with Worry

  1. Sounds like you have been through the mill. Hope you keep this great attitude instead of the poos me attitude. To bad about family, they can be the most hurtful and not even know the full picture.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have always had issues with my family. I am an incredibly private person, so I didn’t share the whole story for sure. But I can only linger in the grief for so long before pushing forward. Even if I have to fake it! 🙂

      Like

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through a divorce and it is a tough time. You made a great list to follow for what you have to do. Thinks will get better and it does takes some time. You can do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such an inspiring post. Divorce, Break up, Lost friendship – I feel like the list you made to try and look at the bright side could be used in any heartbreak situation. One day at a time. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry things haven’t been so great for you – very tough situation to be in. It’s seven years later for me and I still struggle with anger at times. You’ve got some great strategies for dealing with it all and it does get easier, it just takes time.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I wish you the strength you need to carry you through this terrible time. It is always sad when a husband can’t find a helpful way forward, keeping the kids in mind. You are doing the right thing and it took a tremendous amount of courage. Blessings to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so much like you. I tend to oscillate between emotions in a crazy manner. One day you will find me fuming with anger and the next I’m just laughing it off. I was very much in attack mode the past 6-8 months but just recently I realized you know what, I can’t. I can’t spend all this energy on such negativity. I need the energy for my kids. And just like that, I’ve mellowed out. Just a little 😉. I still have my days, but it’s not that bad. It’s a phase and we have to go through it…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely can relate to you too! I feel like for me, when I left the toxic abusive situation that I had hoped it would get better. But it is not, because now there is little holding back from manipulation and lies on their part. IT is frustrating. I see how other people will get along for the kids, and I just don’t think it will happen. At least not yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You are such an inspiration! Way to turn anger and frustration into positive, constructive action. And kudos for recognizing the love and support you do have. Those are the people who matter – the ones who stick by you no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love your honesty and awareness here.

    I’ve felt guilty, too. I have two people in this house who adore me with all of their being. The little one, who just adores me for existing, and the boyfriend who is so patient, and kind, and loving. They were not getting the best version of me. Or even the second best version. It had to stop. I just felt like it never would.

    This was so lovely and true. Those people love you so much!

    Beautiful post!

    xo
    Krista
    http://www.hundredblog.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! It is important to focus on the things that really matter when going through a rough time. And with just two people in the house that love me so much, it makes me a lucky gal!

      Like

  9. Dear Tim, Ryan, Megan & Connor: We are so very sorry for the loss of your dear wife and mother. Holly was an amazing woman and her smile was infectious. We were blessed to have known her for a short time, but she left her mark on us with her true giving loving spirit. She’s in heaven now, an angel. God Bless you always.

    Like

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