Why I decided to change my life

As I have mentioned a few times, I had a really difficult time getting started with working out again. I stopped for about a year and a half and I just could not get started again. Instead I would sit and have no energy. A side of severe clinical depression sure wasn’t helping me get my booty off the couch. It was helping it grow, but not in the good big booty type way.

So, one day I decided I had had enough. I was still depressed but I didn’t want my life to just keep passing me by. Just going through the motions day after day and not feeling a single thing. LIKE EVER! I went to my doctor and told her that I was essentially a couch lump with no feelings and I thought it was situational and would get better but it hadn’t yet. She looked at me and made me answer a checklist. (From the Mayo Clinic) The red is my answers.

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness Check
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters Check. I thought I had permanent PMS… is that a thing?
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports Good god, check. NO HAPPINESS, EVER.
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much YES! I NEVER SLEEP OR SLEEP TOO MUCH! (MY doctor is basically a mind reader)!
  
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort YES! I’M A COUCH LUMP OF SADNESS AND EMPTINESS
  
• Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people BINGE EATING TO SUPPRESS ANY FEELINGS THAT MAY SURFACE!
  
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness DUH.
  
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements WAIT WHAT DID YOU SAY, I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION.
  
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your responsibility YES! I HAVE OCD, FIXATING IS A PART TIME JOB!
  
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things YES. I WAS WONDERING IF I WAS STARTING TO HAVE EARLY ONSET DEMENTIA. BECAUSE I AM ALSO A HYPOCHONDRIAC.(FOR REAL).
  
• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide NO.
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches. ALWAYS

She looked at me and put down her pen. Took her glasses off. Uh-oh. She told me that I checked almost all the boxes for severe clinical depression. She upped my meds and recommended that beside therapy, I try to start some sort of physical activity.

I don’t know why, but for some reason it kicked me into motion. I know that I was heading down a path that I didn’t want to go down. I knew the farther down I went, the harder it would be to return. That day, I reached out to my friend who I knew was a health and fitness coach to ask for her help. I’m so glad that I did. I  didn’t want to be an antisocial couch lump anymore. I wanted to change for the better. I have been working hard for the past three months, and I still have grouchy dark days. That comes with me being me, but I have been slowly returning back to the light. I have been moving my body…. smiling more, and maybe just maybe, my booty is slightly more bootylicious. Yes, I just went all old school Beyonce.

 

xo, Justine

 

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