In the past two weeks, I have probably worked out two times. I went from working out six days a week to basically no days a week. AGAIN. My depression was….is swallowing me up. The bags under my eyes grew and I was sleeping my life away when I wasn’t with the little one, but I was still tired all the time.
I am worried that my depression is the kind that doesn’t respond to medication. I’m meeting with my aprn Friday and I will talk to her about it. But it has been a LOOOONG time since I have felt actual happiness. And it isn’t because of the people around me, my little family and pets are my favorite on Earth. It is like a part of me that should be there is missing….. besides a normal brain chemical make up. I’m just going through the motions. I hate it. Working out gave me a boost, but I still couldn’t get out of the funk.
I’ll see what happens on Friday. I want things to get better. They will get better. And I am planning on fighting for it, even though I have no desire to move. I need to make small realistic goals. So, first thing tomorrow, I am committing to working out for the next thirty days. I am going to try my hardest to limit my binge eating at night, drink water like it is going out of style, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I need to take care of myself, no one can do it for me. I was made to live in the light not down in the dark. We all were. Wish me luck.